


Christmas Shorts

by Imouto_Kitten



Category: Dr. Seuss, Sonic the Hedgehog - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 23:28:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15181694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imouto_Kitten/pseuds/Imouto_Kitten
Summary: A Collection of Christmas-themed Shorts.





	1. How the Eggman Stole Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Did this a few years ago and just never thought to post it on A3O, but figured now was the best time to post any Christmas themed stuff I have lying in my Writing folder, what with how common Christmas in July is among less serious celebrations. And in case it isn't obvious, this is a Parody of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and a fairly thin one at that, with most of the words lifted directly from the Whimsical Doctor's original poem. Also thought of doing a parody of the Grinch song, but never got around to it.

How The Eggman Stole Christmas by Imouto Kitten  
based on How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Suess

Every Mobian Down in Mobotropolis Liked Christmas a lot...  
But the Eggman,who lived just north of Mobotropolis, Did NOT!  
The Eggman hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!  
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.  
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.  
It could be, perhaps, that his boots were too tight.  
But I think that the most likely reason of all,  
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.  
Whatever the reason, His heart or his boots,  
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Mobians,  
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Eggmany frown,  
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.  
For he knew every Mobian down in Mobotropolis beneath,  
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.  
"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer,  
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"  
Then he growled, with his Eggman fingers nervously drumming,  
"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"  
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Mobian girls and boys,  
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!  
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!  
Noise! Noise! Noise!  
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!  
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!  
Then the Mobians, young and old, would sit down to a feast.  
And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!  
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!  
They would feast on Mobian-pudding, and rare Mobian-roast beast.  
Which was something the Eggman couldn't stand in the least!  
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!  
Every Mobian down in Mobotropolis, the tall and the small,  
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.  
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Mobians would start singing!  
They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!  
SING! SING! SING!  
And the more the Eggman thought of this Mobian ChristmasSing,  
The more the Eggman thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"  
"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!"  
"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"  
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!  
THE Eggman GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!  
"I know just what to do!" The Eggman laughed in his throat.  
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.  
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Eggmany trick!"  
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!"  
"All I need is a reindeer..." The Eggman looked around.  
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.  
Did that stop the old Eggman? No! The Eggman simply said,  
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"  
So he called his dog, Max. Then he took some red thread,  
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.  
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,  
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Max.  
Then the Eggman said, "Giddap!" And the sleigh started down,  
Toward the homes where the Mobians Lay asnooze in their town.  
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.  
All the Mobians were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.  
When he came to the first little house on the square.  
"This is stop number one," the old Eggmany Claus hissed,  
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.  
Then he slid down the chimney. Rather hard to cram.  
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Eggman.  
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.  
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.  
Where the little Mobians stockings all hung in a row.  
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"  
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,  
Around the whole room, and he took every present!  
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!  
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!  
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Eggman, very nimbly,  
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!  
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Mobians' feast!  
He took the Mobian-pudding! He took the roast beast!  
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.  
Why, that Eggman even took their last can of Mobian-hash!  
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.  
"And NOW!" grinned the Eggman, "I will stuff up the tree!"  
And the Eggman grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,  
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.  
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Mobian!  
Little Cream the Rabbit, who was not more than ten.  
The Eggman had been caught by this tiny Mobian daughter,  
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.  
She stared at the Eggman and said, "Santy Claus, why,  
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"  
But, you know, that old Eggman was so smart and so slick,  
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!  
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,  
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side."  
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."  
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."  
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head,  
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.  
And when Cream the Rabbit went to bed with her cup,  
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!  
Then the last thing he took Was the log for their fire!  
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.  
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.  
And the one speck of food That he left in the house,  
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.  
Then He did the same thing To the other Mobians' houses  
Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other Mobians' mouses!  
It was quarter past dawn... All the Mobians, still a-bed,  
All the Mobians, still asnooze When he packed up his sled,  
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!  
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!  
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,  
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!  
"PoohPooh to the Mobians!" he was Eggmanishly humming.  
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"  
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"  
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,  
Then the Mobians down in Mobotropolis will all cry BooHoo!"  
"That's a noise," grinned the Eggman, "That I simply MUST hear!"  
So he paused. And the Eggman put his hand to his ear.  
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.  
It started in low. Then it started to grow.  
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!  
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!  
He stared down at Mobotropolis! The Eggman popped his eyes!  
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!  
Every Mobian down in Mobotropolis, the tall and the small,  
Was singing! Without any presents at all!  
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!  
Somehow or other, it came just the same!  
And the Eggman, with his eggman-feet ice-cold in the snow,  
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"  
"It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!"  
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"  
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.  
Then the Eggman thought of something he hadn't before!  
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store."  
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"  
And what happened then? Well...in Mobotropolis they say,  
That the Eggman's small heart Grew three sizes that day!  
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,  
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,  
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!  
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Eggman carved the roast beast!


	2. Santa Claus on Global Warming.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eSanta Claus comments on the weather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally a skit I did for a talent Show in December of 2017. People loved both my acting as Santa Claus and my singing and at least one person encouraged me to write down the script to the skit. Figured Christmas in July was as good a reason to post it without either waiting until December or posting it out of nowhere.

HO HO HO! Merry Christmas!

I just flew in from the North Pole, and I swear North Carolina gets   
hotter every year.

I know global warming has even fewer people who believe in it than I do,   
but I can remember a time only a few short decades ago when I needed my   
entire fur-trimmed suit when I ventured in these parts this time of   
year.

Raleigh's a long ways off from South Town, USA, but sometimes I think   
people are trying to put my good, old friend Snow Miser out of business.

I mean, when I started the whole coal in the stockings of naughty,   
little boys and naughty, little girls thing, at least the stuff was   
useful for keeping you warm through the new year.

Ugh, I guess I'm just long overdue for thinking up a new practical, but   
boring gift for those on the naughty list.

But anyways, I'm sure yall didn't come heree to listen to jolly, ol'   
Saint Nick rant about how humanity's irresponsibility is ruining the   
planet and the holiday, but that does remind me of something.

*Sings White Christmas.*

*Let's audience applause quiet down.*

Thank you, thank you! Well, I need to get going, got things to do, lists   
to check, elves to supervise, and besides, parking for nine magical   
reindeer isn't cheap here in the city.

But anyways, Merry Christmas to All, and to all, a good night!


End file.
